Venting.

If there was one thing I could name that irritates me most besides being lied to, I would have to say being underestimated. I have been underestimated for as longs as I can remember. I don't feel like anyone can honestly believe in me as much as I believe In myself. I've been through so much and people would be surprised if the knew what goes on in my mind. Telling you still wouldn't make you understand 100%. The only way someone could understand is if they actually have gone through the same thing. I've gotten so use to underestimation that I expect it from everyone I meet now. It hurts to know people put a limit on what they think you can do. And yeah most people will say "Well I'll just prove them all wrong". But the truth is it gets tiring and quite nerve racking. Especially when it turns out I usually know what I'm talking about, yet I get no sort of credit. It goes right back out their head and it's back to the same ol' crap. I am struggling to find the person I once was. Hidden within the very depths of my soul. Too insecure to come back out, to shine, to be heard. I've become someone I don't know anymore. I've let it get to me so much that I've started underestimating myself. All the god given talents I was born with, I second guess myself, I give up easily. I'm afraid to even take risks anymore. I don't trust in myself and it hurts to know it's so hard to stop. I feel lost in myself. My mind is full of anxiety and stress. It's like a hopeless feeling. That's how i feel right now, like i don't know. I getting hungry I'll write more later.
To be continued.....

Yves Saint Laurent (1936-2008)

YVES Saint Laurent, one of the top French designers of the 20th century, has died in Paris aged 71--- from The Globe and Mail ----
Legendary designer Yves Saint Laurent dies at 71

ELAINE GANLEY

Associated Press

June 2, 2008 at 4:50 AM EDT

PARIS — Yves Saint Laurent, one of the most influential and enduring designers of the 20th century, will be remembered for empowering women through his fashion, a long-time friend and associate said. Saint Laurent died Sunday at his Paris home after a yearlong battle with brain cancer, said Pierre Berge, Saint Laurent's business partner for four decades. He was 71. "Chanel gave women freedom" and Saint Laurent "gave them power," Berge said on France-Info radio. Saint Laurent was a "true creator," going beyond the aesthetic to make a social statement, Berge said. "In this sense he was a libertarian, an anarchist and he threw bombs at the legs of society. That's how he transformed society and that's how he transformed women."
In his own words, Saint Laurent once said he felt "fashion was not only supposed to make women beautiful, but to reassure them, to give them confidence, to allow them to come to terms with themselves." Saint Laurent was widely considered the last of a generation that included Christian Dior and Coco Chanel and made Paris the fashion capital of the world, with the Rive Gauche, or Left Bank, as its elegant headquarters. From the first YSL tuxedo and his trim pantsuits to see-through blouses, safari jackets and glamorous gowns, Saint Laurent created instant classics that remain stylish decades later. Designer Tomy Hilfiger said he was saddened by the loss of such a legendary talent. "He was a creative genius who changed the world of fashion forever," Hilfiger said in an e-mail to The Associated Press. France's Prime Minister Francois Fillon said Saint Laurent was a pioneer and a visionary who "contributed to France's influence" in the world. "Mr. Saint Laurent revolutionized modern fashion with his understanding of youth, sophistication and relevance. His legacy will always be remembered," said Calvin Klein designer Francisco Costa. Saint Laurent was born Aug. 1, 1936, in Oran, Algeria, where his father worked as a shipping executive. He first emerged as a promising designer at the age of 17, winning first prize in a contest sponsored by the International Wool Secretariat for a cocktail dress design. A year later in 1954, he enrolled at the Chambre Syndicale school of haute couture, but student life lasted only three months. He was introduced to Christian Dior, then regarded as the greatest creator of his day, and Dior was so impressed with Saint Laurent's talent that he hired him on the spot. When Dior died suddenly in 1957, Saint Laurent was named head of the House of Dior at the age of 21. He opened his own haute couture fashion house with Berge in 1962. The pair later started a chain of Rive Gauche ready-to-wear boutiques. Saint Laurent's simple navy blue pea coat over white pants, which the designer first showed in 1962, was one of his hallmarks. His "smoking," or tuxedo jacket, of 1966 remade the tux as a high fashion statement for both sexes. It remained the designer's trademark item and was updated yearly until he retired. Also from the 60s came Beatnik chic — a black leather jacket and knit turtleneck with high boots — and sleek pantsuits that underlined Saint Laurent's statement on equality of the sexes. He showed that women could wear "men's clothes," which when tailored to the female form became an emblem of elegant femininity. Some of his revolutionary style was met with resistance. There are famous stories of women wearing Saint Laurent pantsuits who were turned away from hotels and restaurants in London and New York. Saint Laurent's rising star was eternalized in 1983, when the Metropolitan Museum of Art devoted a show to his work, the first ever to a living designer. He was awarded the Legion d'Honneur in 1985. But bouts of depression marked his career. Berge, who also was the designer's former romantic partner, was quoted as saying that Saint Laurent was born with a nervous breakdown. When Saint Laurent announced his retirement in 2002 at age 65 and the closure of the Paris-based haute couture house, it was mourned in the fashion world as the end of an era. His ready-to-wear label, Rive Gauche, which was sold to Gucci in 1999 for $70-million cash and royalties, still has boutiques around the world. Saint Laurent had long been rumoured to be ill, and Berge said on RTL radio Monday that he had been afflicted with brain cancer for the past year. "He no longer liked the world of today's fashion ... he said it didn't understand him," Berge said. After retirement, Saint Laurent spoke of his battles with depression, drugs and loneliness, though he gave no indication that those problems were directly tied to his decision to stop working. "I've known fear and terrible solitude," he said. "Tranquilizers and drugs, those phony friends. The prison of depression and hospitals. I've emerged from all this, dazzled but sober." A funeral ceremony was scheduled for Friday at the Saint Roch Church in Paris, Berge said. We are saddened by the passing of legendary designer Yves Saint Laurent but are comforted in knowing his visionary designs will continue to inspire and influence fashion for many years to come. In his honour, we present a selection of quotations and videos.
xo MySpace Fashion Yves Saint Laurent on Fashion:

"I have often said that I wish I had invented blue jeans: the most spectacular, the most practical, the most relaxed and nonchalant. They have expression, modesty, sex appeal, simplicity - all I hope for in my clothes."

"We must never confuse elegance with snobbery."
"To be beautiful, all a woman needs is a black pullover and a black skirt and to be arm in arm with a man she loves."

"Fashion isn't just to decorate women, but to reassure them, give them confidence."
"Is elegance not totally forgetting what one is wearing?"

"A woman who has not found her style, who does not feel at ease in her clothes, who does not live in harmony with them, is a sick woman."

"The silhouette counts more than anything. It should never be overloaded."

Yves Saint Laurent in Videos:
Spring/Summer 2008 Collection
Runway to Realway - YSL
Fall 2008 Collection
YSL Fall 2007